-How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Walmart has everything!
> One day, in line at the cafeteria, Bob says to Stanley behind him,
> "My elbow hurts like everything. I guess I better see a doctor."
> "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Stan replies. There's a
> diagnostic computer down at WalMart. Just give it a urine
> sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do
> about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a
> doctor." So Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
> WalMart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
> urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
> later, the computer ejects a printout:
>
> You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
> activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking
> how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer
>
> could be fooled. He mixed some tap.water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
>
> samples from his wife and daughter, and some water out of his favorite fishing
>
> hole for good measure. Bob hurries back to WalMart, eager to check the
>
> results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and waits. The
computer
> prints the following:
>
> 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
> 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
> 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab...
> 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
> 5. If you don't stop fishing , your elbow will never get better.
>
> And, as always, thank you for shopping at Walmart ..
.
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,
'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'
The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!
.
A happy player is definitely a satisfied and loyal player!
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